Well, I thought I'd finally sit down and write something thoughtful.  As I've sat here writing and deleting, I have been angry and cried.  Life is hard.  Marriage is hard.  There's a song I have been listening to about what love feels like.  It talks about how real love is hard, you feel used up and stretched out to your limits, but you're still giving and willing to fight for it.  I feel like that is so true.  At the end of the day I am so tired.  Joshua is always into something, climbing and escaping, and needy for my attention.  I can't multitask with him.  If I'm not watching him, he'll get a marker or crayon out of thin air, or the front door chain will magically be undone for him to run outside.  I literally have to put everything on hold until he sleeps or bad stuff happens.  I get nothing done until night when I'm exhausted and the other kids need my attention.  I suddenly had the bright idea to go to the gym and walk on the treadmill with Maddy and Joshua in the mornings. lol  Yes, half day kindergarten is not long enough.  Ok, I am hopeful for tomorrow now.  I have noticed more sweet moments with Will lately, it's nice.  He helps out a lot and is becoming more empathetic.  I'm going much slower on home projects since I am working out for 1.5 hours 3x and week and that's Joshua's nap right there, so not much time to do stuff the other days.  I need a vacation by myself on a high mountain where no one else is. Sigh...