At work today a lady and her little girl came to check out. The girl was five but looked 3 or 4. I had noticed the mom signing to the girl earlier. After talking to the mom she told me her daughter was deaf and also had been having heart problems. She had already had open heart surgery in August and was having complications with that and wasn't sure how many more Halloweens she would have, so she wanted to make it special. I could tell she was having a rough day and I really felt for her especially with mom in the hospital and possibly having to do surgery in the future. I rang up her stuff and while she was chasing her daughter who had run off, I quickly paid for her things. She came back with one more thing and I rang it up and the total was like 5 something, so when I said the total was 5, she looked up confused. I told her I took care of the other stuff and she put her hands over her face and started crying. I came over and gave her a hug. I'm so grateful for what we have been blessed with and I am grateful that I was able to do something so little that meant something more to them.  The girl showed me her heart scar and her mom told her daughter I was her friend. I leaned the words beautiful, thank you, and you're welcome.  I hope things work out for them.

Rough Rough draft of my experience I'm putting in story form.

We pulled up into the driveway after coming back from Will's piano lesson. Joshua had fallen asleep in his car seat and I decided it would be best to let him sleep a bit longer. Will got out and headed inside while Maddy stayed to wait until I got out too. So we sat. We sat and we waited. And then, suddenly, Maddy started making noises and I whisper-yelled for her to get out or be quiet. She then proceeded to fake cry and whine loudly, so I opened the car door and told her to get out. "You're mean," she says to me. As she stomps into the garage she turns and yells, "I'm running away!" I roll my eyes and sit there for a few more minutes before I carry Joshua inside. As I walked into the front room, there was Maddy with her stuffed backpack ready to leave with a "humph" escaping her lips. "Where's my cat and my jacket with the hoodie on it," she asks? In a concerned voice I said, "How are you going to make it out in the world if can't keep track of your things?" She ignored me and went on to find a different coat while I sat on the couch in the front room. She looked at me with an I-am-independent expression and headed for the door. "Can I at least get a goodbye hug before you run away," I say. She clears her throat and mumbles, "fine," and comes to give me one last embrace. As she heads for the door I ask her if she'd like to have dinner before she leaves. She answers, no and leaves. I watch her out the window as she walks to the curb, stops for a few seconds, looks back, and takes one big step into the street. She holds her head high and walks down the street perpendicular to ours. She is friends with kids in almost every house on that street, so I figured she would go play at her friend's house and come back in an hour or so. As she walked past a car and I could no longer see her out the window, I began formulating a group text with all the moms on that street so I'd know where my little runaway would be. Before I had finished texting, I see Maddy walking back towards our house. I tried to stay out of sight and sat back down on the couch. Just then the doorbell rang. I opened the door, got down on my knees, and gave her the biggest hug. "I'm so glad you came home," I said. She held me tight and said, "I'm so sorry I ran away." I felt like the father welcoming back the prodigal son, and at that moment, what was a silly act for me became something much more. My eyes watered as I realized I was truly grateful for her desire to come home. I never wanted her to leave in the first place, but I felt the spirit telling me this was a teaching opportunity. I began comparing this example to Heavenly Father and all of the times I sin.  Even when we take that step away from Him, He waits for us to return and I believe sends angels to watch over us. Ultimately, it is our choice whether we turn to Heavenly Father or not. I believe Maddy came back so quickly because deep down she really knows I love her. Well, let me just tell you, that even though I've always thought I believed Heavenly Father loved me, that didn't really have much influence on choices I made until I really knew it. Until I could feel it and I accepted His love. Isn't it easier to come to Christ when we truly understand that God loves us? Well yeah, but I'm still not perfect, so I wonder if as much as I feel God's love, I wonder if I'm just unable to completely understand in this life exactly what perfect love is. Because maybe, just maybe, I would want to sin no longer.

I've really had a hard time physically the last few weeks.  I've been fighting off some sickness for the last month and I think I should go to the doctor.  It's probably bacterial since it's lasted so long, but nevertheless, I have still been trying to organize all the boxes of stuff in my room so I can either have a place for or get rid of everything.  I am nearly done going through most of my house; I want to be done with it so bad, my head won't let me slow down, but my body is taking a toll.  I wonder if part of the reason I'm not getting better is because my body isn't getting any rest.  Every time I lay down and try to rest I get some major anxiety going on and I need to keep doing sorting or cleaning, but not wasting time. Sigh... Oh and then after I got my braces on, on Friday, I have had a horrible migraine ever since.  Apparently headaches while spacing teeth is very common. In addition to all that, I have been selling and buying furniture from the classifieds, trying to remodel a bit.  Along with that comes several painting projects that I'll want to do and until then, there's just a lot of extra furniture in the house, just staring at me, nagging me to get them painted and done.  I am overwhelmed and the only reason I have time to blog now is because I'm babysitting for my sister in law.  At least this service gives me a couple of hours to lay down and do nothing without thinking of everything I should be doing.  I'm tired :(

Since Joshua is starting preschool this week, I figured I should cut off his baby hair so he can fit in a little better.  I was a little sad.  I love baby whispies. 😢 So both boys got haircuts tonight.

Well, I finally have a minute to reflect on what's been happening lately.  I've been so busy I haven't been able to visit Grandma or Cheryl in ages.  After I finished renovating the main floor bathroom, my next project was the pantry.  I finished tiling the last of the pantry and grouted today.  I was just going to tile, but then I decided I hated the wire shelving and took that all down and I will build custom shelving that will work great for a lot of our food storage as well as a rolling can rack and a column of shelves for normal pantry food.  I'm excited to get all of the food out of our kitchen and garage.  I have Joshua starting preschool next week across the street and luckily he's not the only young one.  Then I have a girl come play with Joshua twice a week for two hours while I do organizing projects.  The kid just does not like to play alone, he doesn't even watch TV alone.  We took the RV out a couple of weeks ago as a family, though Dave and the kids have used it two other times for ward campouts.  It was great and I'm excited to use it more frequently to bond with each other.  We would have taken it out this weekend for memorial day, but we have a baptism to go to tomorrow.  The kids are enjoying school and I'm enjoying less fighting.  The house also stays cleaner. I am fairly confident that tomorrow morning I will be down to minus 25lbs... again since I gained about 12 back over a couple of months.  Just in time to pig out at chuckarama 😁.  I have been super good this week preparing for the meal. Lol

So, I'm a little embarrassed to share this with people I know, but here is my first YouTube documenting my diets.  Don't laugh too hard and don't tell me if it's lame. I really think this will help me stick with something. https://youtu.be/XXsAXGZwPOQ

Dave gave the fhe lesson tonight about not giving up.  It was a great lesson that my kids needed to hear, but the best part was when the kids could hear Dave's voice trembling because he couldn't get through it without crying.  They have never seen him cry and they were surprised and I think touched - I was.  In case you haven't heard it before...
Quit, give up, you're beaten" 
They shout at you and plead 
"There's just too much against you 
This time you can't succeed". 

And as I start to hang my head 
In front of failures face 
My downward fall is broken by 
The memory of a race 

And hope refills my weakened will 
As I recall that scene 
Or just the thought of that short race 
Rejuvenates my being 

Childrens race, young boys 
Young men, how I remember well 
Excitement sure, but also fear 
It wasn't hard to tell 

They all lined up so full of hope 
Each thought to win that race 
Or tie for first, or if not that 
At least take second place 

The fathers watched from off the side 
Each cheering for his son 
And each boy hoped to show his dad 
That he could be the one 

The whistle blew and off they went 
Young hearts and hopes afire 
To win and be the hero there 
Was each young boys desire 

And one boy in particular 
Whose dad was in the crowd 
Was running near the lead and thought 
"My dad will be so proud" 

But as they speeded down the field
Across a shallow dip 
The little boy who thought to win 
Lost his step and slipped 

Trying hard to catch himself 
With hands flew out to brace 
And amid the laughter of the crowd
He fell flat on his face 

But as he fell his dad stood up 
And showed his anxious face 
Which to the boy so clearly said 
"Get up and win the race" 

He quickly rose, no damage done 
Behind a bit that's all 
And ran with all his night and mind
To make up for the fall 

So anxious to restore himself 
To catch up and to win 
His mind went faster than his legs 
He slipped and fell again 

He wised then that he had quit before 
With only one disgrace 
"I'm hopeless as a runner now 
I shouldn't try to race" 

But in the laughing crowd he searched 
And found his fathers face 
That steady look which said again 
"Get up and win the race" 

So up he jumped to try again 
Ten yards behind the last 
If I'm going to gain those yards he though 
I've got to move real fast 

Exerting everything he had 
He regained eight or ten 
But trying hard to catch the lead 
He slipped and fell again 

Defeat, he lay there silently 
A tear dropped from his eye 
There's no sense running anymore 
Three strikes, I'm out, why try? 

The will to rise had disappeared 
All hope had fled away 
So far behind so error prone 
A loser all the way 

"I've lost, so what", he thought 
I'll live with my disgrace 
But then he thought about his dad 
Whom soon he'd have to face 

"Get up" the echo sounded low 
"Get up" and take your place 
You were not meant for failure here 
"Get up", and win the race 

With borrowed will "Get up" it said 
"You haven't lost at all" 
For winning is no more than this 
To rise each time you fall 

So up he rose to run once more 
And with a new commit 
He resolved, that win or lose 
At least he shouldn't quit 

So far behind the others now 
The most he'd ever been 
Still he'd give it all he had 
And run as though to win 

Three times he'd fallen, stumbling 
Three times he'd rose again 
Too far behind to hope to win 
He still ran to the end 

They cheered the winning runner 
As he crossed the line first place 
Head high and proud and happy 
No falling, no disgrace 

But when the fallen youngster 
Crossed the line, last place 
The crowd gave him the greater cheer 
For finishing the race 

And even though he came in last 
With head bent low, unproud 
You would have thought he'd won the race 
To listen to the crowd 

And to his dad he sadly said 
"I didn't do too well" 
"To me you won", his father said 
"You rose each time you fell"