I've been on such a spiritual high lately. My testimony strong, the spirit always near. I went to the temple for the first time since they closed last year. It was so great! And then, life happens. Your friends and family start to falter in their faith. So many are leaving the church. So many people I love leaving. Saying, the church doesn't fit with their lifestyle. Even for someone so strong, I think it's a natural thing to doubt your feelings sometimes. So, as I sat, thinking of this, I prayed, "God, please show me you are there. I know I believe, but just remind me, please?" Nothing. What was I expecting would happen? I don't know. So, I sat longer, wondering what if. What if people are on to something? What if God isn't real? What if I've been raised by well-meaning latter-day saints and we've all been bamboozled out of something. What though? Our time? Money? Money taken and given to the poor and the needy. Money used to build temples so millions of people can do work for dead people and spend hours of their time making sure our ancestors have the opportunity to accept the Gospel? Money given to leaders to live fancy lifestyles? No, maybe then money spent travelling the world? Sure, maybe that's what they're after. Only, when they travel, they don't vacation. They spend their time speaking to people, telling them to be self-sufficient, good citizens, be honest;  telling people all over the world to follow the Savior of the world. Be kind. Serve. Love. Makes you kind of wonder what the church leaders are after if it's not power or money. Maybe they really do believe what they teach. But what if, even then, God is just made up and we really don't know anything? I went through my afternoon feeling more and more empty by the minute. I went outside to be with my husband to feel a little better. He was busy though, so I came in. Well what's the point of anything then? What's the point of a husband, a family, this life? It's so, empty and meaningless. I have no purpose. We're all just accidents. My, how quickly I can change from feeling I know God to there isn't one. But in the back of my mind and heart, I feel something. Something connecting me to a higher power, to my Heavenly Father. Tired of feeling unhappy, I turn on some Christian music. That usually makes me feel good. This song came on. No One Ever Cared for me Like Jesus, by Steffany Gretzinger. I'd never heard it before, but I knew this was for me, from my God!

The phrase "My joy was found" instantly brought tears to my eyes as I realized Jesus is the reason. He is the reason I am happy. There is nothing without him-not for me. "That all my treasure was in heaven and You were everything to me...Let it be known in You alone my joy was found." The spirit washed over me with a feeling of fire. Why I would ever think I needed something worldly to fill my soul and give me exceeding joy, I don't know. Perhaps it is just a natural thing to doubt your feelings. But tonight, I am filled. Filled with the spirit. Filled with love and joy and purpose as God answered my prayer. Thank you, Heavenly Father.