I gave him heart to heart bear and it was so sweet watching him.

I have forgotten

I have no idea why I thought I could be choir director.  I have forgotten everything about music theory.  I was figuring it out until in a 6/8 time there are only 4 eighth notes.  What???? So overwhelmed now... I wish I had time to take a class, but how, where, when? Blah...  All I wanted was to pick the music. lol

I have been realizing the last week or so just how important it is to have a strong relationship with the Savior.  I know that if I ever have difficulty understanding something, He will help me get what understanding I personally need to help me accept what I might not understand, even if I don't see the full purpose.  I wish the members of the church who are struggling to know what to think of their religion, especially with current events, would have the faith and foundation to turn to the Lord with their concerns.  It is really sad and even sadder to hear other members say "If you don't like the church, leave it.". Some just lack that understanding and others accept everything without question and can't understand some people need reasoning.  I consider myself balanced, but only when I turn to the Savior.  

The most expensive haircut

I went to get my haircut today.  The girl who cut my hair didn't talk much and neither did I.  At some point I noticed she seemed sad and the more I paid attention it became clearer.  I said a silent prayer for her not knowing anything.  Afterwards, I saw in my mind that I should tip her a specific amount.  As I argued with myself reasoning this or that, I almost began to cry.  I silently asked that could I just tip her a large amount, less than what was in my mind, and surely that would be good enough?  Then I heard clearly in my mind, "(X) will not help her, (X) will."  The rest of the haircut I pretty much waited in vain to hear the spirit tell me something different and wondered if I really would tip that amount.  Well, I did and left as quickly as I could to avoid any awkwardness - I don't really know how to accept gratitude for being overly generous and it wasn't even me she would need to thank anyway.  In the car, the first thing I heard on the radio was about how if God calls you to give, you give.  When the spirit puts something in your heart, you listen.  I started crying and at that moment was so grateful that I had followed my prompting.  Like all things, it's not how we think we should give or serve or love, etc..., but rather how the Lord needs us to be at the moment He asks.  The girl ended up calling to make sure it wasn't a mistake and when I told her that is how much I felt I needed to give her she was very grateful.  I am glad I had this experience and grateful that we are able to sometimes give.  After all, it really wasn't that much and I'm not asked to give money very often.
As it gets closer to when Will gets baptized, I find myself being filled with joy that he will be able to have the holy ghost with him at all times.  I depend on that spirit constantly for just about any choice I make and can't wait for him to receive that gift.  

Last night Dave and I went to an 80s party.  We played Jeopardy and won, no thanks to me.  Dave was in his element as was my friend and her husband who has seen about every 80s movie out there.  I think I may have been the youngest one there, but it was still fun.  We got some 80s shirts for our prizes.  I am starting(meaning today was my first day) to go to the temple every Saturday morning and today I went to the 7AM session.  I was so tired last night, but felt like I needed to go this morning, so I prayed that if it was important I go first thing, that I would wake up before my alarm so I wouldn't be tired.  Well, I woke up a minute before my alarm at 6:04, so I was able to get out and make the session.  It was good to go.  By the time I got to the Celestial room, the morning light was very bright and it was breathtaking.  Later I watched a girl come out and she said a loud, "Oh my gosh," and acted like she was blinded. lol  Well, I thought it was beautiful anyway.  I got home a little after 9:30 and changed and went to the church for Super Saturday.  I made these holiday block decorations; one side is Christmas and the other is for Thanksgiving.  I also made an origami ornament.  I think they turned out well.  Dave is out sighting his rifle so he can hunt some elk next month.  This will be his first hunting experience and he is pretty excited.  Things are going well.  I am excited to decorate for Halloween with all of the stuff I bought last year after Halloween.  I also got some stuff from the dollar store.  I didn't think I got that much stuff, but Dave came upstairs and said, "I see Halloween has exploded all over the counter." haha  What can I say, it's fun to be excited about stuff.  It is getting cooler and I love this time of year! Pictures:1)Will and Maddy were buckling up and Joshua just climbed back there and sat down like he was all ready to go.  It was cute.  2)Will in his new glasses 3,4)My craft today

I had the playdoh factory toy out and hadn't put it away yet from the other kids playing with it.  So, Joshua climbs up on a chair and starts playing with it.  I immediately go into save-the-toy mode and reach for it as I say "no." Well, this kid who doesn't talk a lot, clutches the toy and says, "Mine! My durn!". I couldn't really find it in myself to take it away at that point.  After all, he had waited so long to finally have his durn :D

Well, I thought I'd finally sit down and write something thoughtful.  As I've sat here writing and deleting, I have been angry and cried.  Life is hard.  Marriage is hard.  There's a song I have been listening to about what love feels like.  It talks about how real love is hard, you feel used up and stretched out to your limits, but you're still giving and willing to fight for it.  I feel like that is so true.  At the end of the day I am so tired.  Joshua is always into something, climbing and escaping, and needy for my attention.  I can't multitask with him.  If I'm not watching him, he'll get a marker or crayon out of thin air, or the front door chain will magically be undone for him to run outside.  I literally have to put everything on hold until he sleeps or bad stuff happens.  I get nothing done until night when I'm exhausted and the other kids need my attention.  I suddenly had the bright idea to go to the gym and walk on the treadmill with Maddy and Joshua in the mornings. lol  Yes, half day kindergarten is not long enough.  Ok, I am hopeful for tomorrow now.  I have noticed more sweet moments with Will lately, it's nice.  He helps out a lot and is becoming more empathetic.  I'm going much slower on home projects since I am working out for 1.5 hours 3x and week and that's Joshua's nap right there, so not much time to do stuff the other days.  I need a vacation by myself on a high mountain where no one else is. Sigh...